Top 3 useless advice to give to students
And why we keep giving them.
Hi! I’m Laure, a passionate tutor with 2700+ hours of experience helping students navigate through their learning journey.
Over the last 7 years, I’ve had countless conversations with parents telling me ‘I keep telling them to do this, but they don’t seem to care’ or ‘their teacher told them to do that, but they just don’t listen’.
Don’t they? Or have we just been giving students terrible advice for years, despite all our good intentions?
To figure it out, I started changing the advice I gave to my own students.
And I came to the conclusion that here are the top 3 useless advice we need to stop giving them:
‘Proofread what you wrote’
Why it’s useless: reading is simply not enough. Saying to simply ‘reread’ or ‘proofread’ doesn’t say what the student should focus their attention on: meaning? spelling? conjugation? Try and do everything at once, for something you’re currently learning (for instance, a foreign language): you will do terrible too.
Why we keep saying it: because it holds a part of truth. Proofreading is a good way of avoiding many mistakes we make but could avoid. For instance, when writing an essay, we are first focusing on writing fast so we don’t lose our idea. But then, we cannot focus on syntax at the same time. Or we are focused on writing the idea well, because we find words that sound great. But then, we cannot focus on spelling at the same time. Multitasking is a myth, and proofreading is a good way of cutting a big task into smaller ones. Only if we’re told how to do it properly.
What to say instead: help them identify their main area of improvement, and define their own priority list of items to pay attention to when proofreading. Are you always making conjugation mistakes? Then make sure to proofread with a main area of focus on conjugation, dropping the rest when you proofread this. Also, proofreading is not just about reading once. Nor is it about focusing your attention on meaning every single time you read what you wrote.
‘Focus!’
Why it’s useless: because students feel guilty about it, all the more as the tone with which it is said usually reflects the exasperation of the person saying it (be it a parent, a teacher, a tutor or anyone else). Eventually, hearing it often usually results in a loss of self-confidence of the student. Also, ‘focus’ says what to do, but doesn’t say how to do it. Focusing: what does that even mean, concretely?
Why we keep saying it: because again, it holds a part of truth. Without focusing, it is hardly possible, if not impossible, to get anything complex done. Focusing is required to complete sophisticated tasks and achieve ambitious goals. But while for some people, focusing is almost spontaneous and natural, it requires to be learned by some others.
What to say instead: mention clearly what makes you think the person is not focused, but in a kind manner. When I see my students are starting to daydream, I usually tell them with a smile something like ‘I lost you, didn't I?’. At first, they’re surprised: why did I not just tell them to focus? But it usually makes them smile: by saying ‘I lost you’, I’m putting the blame on me: maybe my explanation was too long, not straight-to-the-point enough. Mentioning it more positively also helps them identify the moments when they indeed do lose focus: what are the inner feelings they have, that they can learn to identify, so they know when to remember to pay attention again? Also, it is worth keeping in mind that not everyone focuses the same way: while you may be annoyed seeing your child rock their chair, movement might be a way for them to focus. ‘Sit still, look pretty’ is not always the highway to maximum attention.
‘At least try.’
Why it’s useless: Because again, it makes them feel guilty, and again it’s not a clear guideline.
First, it implies that they did not try: but how sure can we be about that? If they feel like they tried, but someone else feels like they didn’t, who can say who’s right and who’s wrong? Maybe they did try, but not the right way? Maybe they didn’t try because they are already convinced it is out of their reach? Just telling them to try doesn’t open the conversation, and thus doesn’t allow to support them appropriately about what makes them feel stuck right now.
Second, ‘try’ can be perceived as very abstract. What exactly should they try? To read? Proofread? Learn their theory? Know how to use it? Something else? What exactly is missing in their understanding of the concept? And how can they fix it?
Why we keep saying it: ‘at least try’ usually comes as a last resort. It usually translates both our hope that the situation will change, and the fact that we don’t know what else to say anymore to make that situation change. It also gives the impression that there isn’t much to do for the situation to change: trying isn’t that much, after all, is it? And if you did try, oh, what a massive difference that could make all of a sudden.
What to say instead: there is no quick fix that will work for everyone. Only an open discussion with the learner can help them identify what exactly prevents them from ‘even trying’. Are they already convinced they will fail? Are they afraid of failing after investing a lot of time and effort in a task or a subject? Do they hate that lesson for a specific reason (a poor relationship with the teacher, or their peers in that subject)? Opening the discussion will allow you to have a better understanding of the situation, and thus of the solutions you can bring on the table to solve it. It will also strengthen the relationship, as the learner will feel heard and acknowledged, instead of feeling guilty and judged.
Long story short?
First open the discussion to make sure you identify the deeper reasons behind what you perceive as being the problem.
Then stop advising on what to do, advise on how to do it.
The relationship between you and the learner will only come out stronger.