Be bored. Make mistakes.
And don't forget to thank yourself along the way.
Hi! I’m Laure, a passionate tutor with 2500+ hours of experience helping students navigate through their learning journey.
Over the last 6+ years, I’ve noticed how this season of the year is overwhelming for parents. There’s just too much to think about. So here are my few tips to support you through the next month:
It’s the final countdown before Christmas. Final rush through gift shopping. Final rush through all the logistics around the greatest family gathering of the year.
Final stress peak before everyone is enjoying the most memorable moment of the year.
Everything must be perfect. That day more than any other. Isn’t this a lot of pressure on your shoulders?
Let me lighten your burden.
Here are the top 2 gifts you can make to anyone. Starting by yourself.
1. Being bored.
Why is that great?
Being bored means giving space to thoughts, moments, ideas that wouldn’t have come if you were busy doing something else.
Same goes with your children. Being bored is great, let them be: that will encourage them to explore ideas and activities they wouldn’t have engaged with if they were kept busy all the time.
Let’s give our brains a break.
How can we do this?
The to-do list is long enough already, right? Stop anticipating every single moment when you (or one of your children, or another family member) might get bored. And let it be. Then, observe: what will you make of all this sudden free time? What will others make of all this sudden free time?
And if your child is bored and complains about it, do not feel bad: life is full of moments when we wish we had other more exciting things to do. Learning to be bored is part of learning frustration. It might not look like it in the moment, but you’re actually doing them a favor.
2. Making mistakes.
Why is that great?
‘Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm’, Churchill said.
Making mistakes is a huge part of the learning process. You learn more from your mistakes than from anything else.
And what I keep saying to my students is: from your mistakes, you learn more about what you study, but mostly, you learn more about yourself.
You learn more about your own ability to face difficulties, criticism, and how to bounce back.
Making mistakes in math or any other school subjects and failing a test doesn’t just teach you about the school subject itself. Failing teaches you life skills.
In his book Imperfect, free and happy1, psychiatrist Christophe André explains greatly how not exposing ourselves to the risk of failure damages our self-esteem. Through various examples, he details how the less we fail, the more we get afraid of failing. And how we therefore limit our own exposure to the risk of failure. This might give the wrong impression that we are never failing, but it surprisingly does no good to one’s self-esteem: it leads us to building a fragile high self-esteem. We are convinced that we cannot fail, but deep down we know that we never fully succeeded either. We just never really tested our own limits. And it only gets worse as we age: this fragile high self-esteem just grows to be a bigger part of our own image, and we are even more so afraid of putting it at risk.
How can we do this?
Get things wrong, and have a good laugh about it.
Sounds easy? Great!
Sounds complicated? Start by taking risks of failing on something that you do not care about too much - it will slowly desensitize you to the unpleasant feeling of having failed something, or having taken the risk to do so. You're known for being a terrible cook? Try a new recipe - as you are not exactly known for being a chef, you will most likely not give too much importance to failing it if you do. But you will still have exposed yourself to the risk of failure, and worked on feeling more comfortable with it.
Mistakes and boredom are the parents of creativity.
Not convinced? Dulcey chocolate has been ‘invented’ by Frédéric Bau by accident, as he left white chocolate basically burn in the bain-marie. If you don’t know dulcey chocolate, try it, and you will probably thank Frédéric for his moment of absent-mindedness.
Newton also discovered gravity by watching an apple fall from a tree. A coincidence that came from a moment when he was definitely not busy doing something that was absorbing all his attention. So, most likely, from a moment of boredom or reflection.
So keep in mind that mistakes and boredom are also what it takes to develop creativity and great ideas.
https://en.odilejacob.fr/catalogue/psychology/general-psychology/imperfect-free-and-happy_9782738116994.php